Staring at the Sun

Established. I would.

Yesterday was… well, interesting.

I made radio drama. I made progress as a Human Being. I recouped my Mum losses from earlier in the week (see last post) and I made some really rather basic connections between why I often prefer to write inside men’s heads. I stared a lot at Michael and realised why it is I don’t do this normally, because if I did no work would ever get done (and not much does normally, if I’m honest.) But the biggest groundshaker was the death of someone I never knew but only passed by on Social Media, because it was the salutary reminder that every day is a gift and I can’t afford to fuck about any more and I need to get my life sorted.

It’s also a bit of a wake up call to make me count for something more than I currently do.

I should write letters to the people that matter to remind them how we may not talk very often, but when we do it is glorious. Yesterday I reconnected with someone that I really do miss terribly, and we had a conversation in 140 characters that I realise will probably have to last me some time. I miss the physicality of relationships, and by that I mean being able to hug someone when you know its the right moment. Many people would have been hugged yesterday, and I would have found my solace in giving security back to other people because I realise now that’s how I manage with not having it myself. It is an indicator that things are getting better, at least in the method by which I cope with things. Now all I need to do is keep growing the thick skin and to remember how you act as a grown up 24/7.

Yeah, easy game.

There is a plan this weekend, and I am going to stick to it. When I talk to you next, my novel will be finished.