In the last few weeks, there has been a not inconsiderable amount of reflection around the notion of awareness. It has been combined with an exercise in grasping what I am and what I have come from, and two pieces of that I wish to share before we move onwards to more interesting diversions. Firstly, the picture we lead with (The Kiss, 1907-1908) was a significant visual influence in my early teens, and my first exposure to it coincided with my English teacher presenting me with a particular piece of poetry to read, with the two combining for a profound emotional response:
As a result of all this, in the current work I’m serialising, some subtle but very significant changes have happened in the last few weeks.
|Honesty? I think so.|
I wrote the original draft of The Sayers very clearly with a cis mindset, because that’s how I originally envisaged it. However, over time, and with the inclusion of a particular scene in the early chapters, my characters have begun to develop more unique lives, and as a result I have found myself not wanting to impose my limited sexual references on what they are capable of. Once I took off the blinkers, events have moved in far more interesting directions almost immediately, and the narrative is beginning to diverge from its original path. I would be concerned at this if I thought that what I’d learnt and what I was deliberately exposing myself was negative, but as it transpires the effect is the exact opposite. It is giving me more avenues to explore, and is migrating the main plot off the more established track it had been taking and into areas I am finding fascinating to explore.
As an exercise in enlightenment, this has been quite the eye-opener.
Now I really begin to understand that the best writing comes with the widest possible frame of reference. It isn’t just what you want as consideration, it is how you take that and encompass everything else that occurs around you, how this then blends and shapes your final view of the worlds you create. I’m very grateful for the opportunity to gain these insights on my terms too, and in what is an extremely conducive environment for creativity at present. Long may it continue, and if I can keep the mindset and remain a grumpy old cow to boot, so much the better.
Some things may change, but others will remain reassuringly intractable.