First Steps

2016 is an Olympic Year. It seems therefore only right and proper that I start proceedings with an Olympic montage from the LAST time this happened. 2012 was a really significant twelve months for both me and my family, and it marked the transition for us all to a healthier and more active lifestyle. Ironically in this video there’s a man who was subsequently accused of cheating, and a guy who ended up being convicted of murder. That’s the way the World works: nothing is ever really as it seems. The only way to counter this is with honesty and fairness, it seems to me, and part two of my New Year introduction serves to give my online actions a bit of transparency.

There are rules, and so there’s no confusion? I’m gonna stick them here, then pin them to that image you saw yesterday. I am going to set out my virtual stall the same way I’d explain the rules of Scrabble to someone who’s never played it.

In no particular order:

1. I want to talk to YOU on the Internet, not your Robot.

Quite right too.


I’ll unfollow you if you use ANY kind of website or bot to promote yourself. I do all this shit by hand, it’s not hard, and the moment I’m too busy to do so I’ll either tell you or have the money to employ a PR but then who am I kidding I’ll still do it. Because this is what I do, and I enjoy it. This isn’t a job. This is my life. Never forget that I’m doing the Internet for different reasons to you.

If I think you’re a Robot? End of Line.


2. Don’t sell me your Shit, I don’t want it.

Lalalalala CAN’T HEAR YOU.

I mark every Twitter ad they throw at me as ‘offensive’ because they are. The moment you stick an ad in my feed, you’re toast. Oh, and if your first action of 2016 is to tell me to follow an account that does just that? We’re on social media for different reasons and I doubt we will ever be friends. So, just don’t. Don’t ask me to fund your project as you leave Twitter in a fit of pique. Don’t expect me to stump up for your Patreon if you decide to start doing stuff that’s nothing to do with the point I funded you to begin with. Mostly, just be honest with why you’re asking for my cash, and I’ll consider it.

Wrap that up in any kind of smoke and mirrors? Door’s that way ——>

3. Your Feed makes you look like a Stalker.

Nope. Just NOPE.

If your Twitter followers list is full of accounts run by women, has a lot of scantily clad women avatars, involves any kind of porn, or looks like all you do is interact with women as a guy? NO. As of this year I won’t be following ANY new accounts until I’ve done at least a cursory check of who you’re following. This has, at least in the tail end of last year, proven surprisingly accurate in being able to gauge the kind of person you are on Twitter. You might think this is a lot of effort, but actually it’s also help find some truly brilliant and inspiring human beings with which to interact with.

Don’t come here to stalk me. It’s going to end in tears.

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It’s likely this list will be added to from time to time, so you may wish to check back as time goes on. Putting it as January 1st’s post at least makes it easier to find on that account. These are my rules, this is my space, and you can choose or not whether you want to follow me or not. That’s cool, because I’m not here for a popularity contest.

I’m here to write in 2016, and I will.