Welcome to the Pleasuredome

The real world is comprehensively kicking my arse. However, slowly but surely, sense is beginning to be made. There’s a system of organisation I am attempting to embrace, and slowly (but surely) things are coming together. That means that, all things being equal, the new Bond will start serialising in June. The Old Bond is being updated and shifted to its new home (you can find it here) and starting tomorrow? Writing. ALL OF THE WRITING will be happening here, with extra stuffs including various WIP’s, discussion of the business of process, and some fragments of stuff I’m poking.

Needless to say, with rumours afoot that the next Bond’s already been chosen? It’s probably time to move on to pastures new.

Expect far more original work here as a result.

Long Distance

This week has been utter bollocks. Let’s not beat about the bush, people, five ridiculous days of comedy kaleidoscope has come and gone. I’m here because I want to make sure the site ticks over every couple of days, and I need to spend a bit of time talking about community. I refuse to use a capital letter to describe the place I inhabit, and not going to go for the easy targets and low-hanging fruit, however attractive that might seem as a target. You’re the problem here, just as I am. We all promise ourselves that there won’t be judgement or pronouncement but yet it still happens, every damn day. The last ten days’s evolved into a salutatory warning that however well you know someone, you can’t provision for the unexpected. Shit really does just happen.

Question is, how you gonna deal with that, bro?

illidan
You’re not prepared? RIIIIIIGHT ^^

Here’s a radical notion: why not just be honest? It staggers me beyond belief how many don’t consider this course of action as either acceptable or correct. ‘People’ keep telling me I need more tact and diplomacy but honestly, truthfully, why not just tell it how it is occasionally? This is one of the reasons why the positivity crowd tend to suffer after prolonged exposure to the Real World: some days, you don’t need to hear how special you are, you just need to just get to the end of the day with some kind of dignity. Of course, I understand and ascribe to the schools of ‘STFU Nobody Cares’ standing shoulder to shoulder with the ‘Just Accept Everybody As They Are’ but the problem with so many others is that you don’t consider both as part of the palette. I’m sorry if some of us grate on you, but guess what? We’re part of your community as well, like it or not.

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I know. I know.

In amongst the chaos, there have been moments of true brilliance however, and however bad you’d like to paint the World? It never is. What was contentious today is often forgotten tomorrow, the problems come when people don’t move on and hang desperately onto their disgruntled and often misplaced annoyance. There are those who wonder why I do what I do, and to them is the reminder today that what I see from ‘out here’ is often a great deal more objective than you might get from your position in the Gaming Universe. I have no employer to assuage, or a cause to champion. I don’t pick sides, often I just dislike everybody. If it matters that we talk and get on? Needs to be a two way street. I’ll forgive you but don’t think this gives carte blanche to be a twat as a result, okay?

If you want ‘true’ community, EVERYBODY has to get on. Ironically, the miserable sods aren’t your biggest issues. It’s the quiet ones that will cause the most trouble, and often for the reasons you’re not expecting. Trust me on this. 

Those with too much to say end up as being surprisingly compliant and accepting in the end.

Something About You

Two out of three of my personal sites are now living in new spaces, this is the one that effectively needs the most work, so let’s get started on THAT as a matter of some urgency. There’s a lot to be done here, mostly because this is the place that takes the most background work, but you’ll see a fair bit of stuff here as the months go on. Writing is what keeps me sane, after all, and I’m getting progressively more adventurous and comfortable with the process as time goes on.

This is therefore a test of my new Sharing tools to make sure the message gets out, and a reminder to those of you who do such stuff that you need to re-bookmark this space.

Right then, let’s get to it, because you see that header? NEW BONDFIC IS COMING.

Ashes

I realise I’ve been quite quiet here, and actually that’s due a change now, because I’m in the process not only of updating all the websites, but writing a wish-fulfilment piece that’s actually becoming something of a labour of love. Interspersed in all of this is the realisation that I’m fundamentally altering in outlook, and the Community I am working in is heading for some fairly important changes. It is therefore inevitable that there will be division and conflict. Once upon a time, that scared me. I know people who don’t know how I can be as I am and stand up to the shit that is flung by some, and I’d like to share a secret with you. I know all my abusers. Anonymity on the Internet really is the most ridiculous of falsehoods, because however much you’d like to think you can do stuff and nobody will know? Unless you are REMARKABLY clever?

Nothing is ever that random.

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Go on, fight away ^^

The people who I come into conflict with fall into several distinct camps: you either have a slapfest, make up and move on, you conduct a civil conversation and agree to differ, or you decide I’m Satan and attempt to eradicate my existence from your reality. Whichever camp you choose to represent? I’m really not that fussed. No, really, I’m not. If you call me a friend one day and then vanish the next? There’s issues there I don’t know about and you’re not telling me and that’s fine too. I don’t dictate other people’s versions of reality, but they often seem more than keen to influence mine. This is not the same as telling someone to shut the fuck up because they’re being a dick either. There is a measure of reaction to events that other people judge as either ‘acceptable’ or ‘not’ and if you’re working on such extremes of colour, if it is simply black or white to you? Trust me, you’re in for a shock. Because however right you feel you are, or however wrong your friends might paint someone else to be? Unless you actually speak to them and ask? You’ll never know the real truth. The Internet thrives on supposition and fancy for good reason, because DRAMA IS SRS BNS. You’re not anybody on the Internet unless you’ve had a Stalker, or been threatened, or have some story of how that guy tried to diss your friend and then they started texting you in the middle of the night and…

STOP.

I know. I KNOW.

The reason why I get drama is because I told people I won’t do what they asked, or I did/thought/wrote something they didn’t like. That means that they think I’m a bad person, that I’m wrong, and that I’m clearly dangerous. None of this is true, unless you ask me to so anything before my first cup of morning tea or hand me a complicated set of instructions on three hours sleep. Mostly, I have brought it all upon myself. Nobody else is to blame here but me, but because social media allows radical free-thinkers like me a platform without censorship or restriction? I must be stopped, my influence has to be curtailed and your 10.30 Angry Mob will be delivered shortly. I wouldn’t mind so much if this were just the Internet having a moment, but it’s happening out in the Meat Space too, and that’s the even bigger concern. Maybe it doesn’t matter anyway, because I’d give humanity a generation tops on current performance, and there’ll be a planet-wide Apocalypse of a scale nobody ever really anticipated. That’s the problem with thinking: nothing’s off the table.

Enjoy your salad days while you can, peasants.

Chaos frightens people, politicians, and governments. You can’t legislate chaos, it’s just not having any of it. That’s why change is managed and controlled, if you believe the tin foil hat brigade. It’s the means by which we are all subjugated and controlled by unfeeling, rich bastards. However, it’s also the fundamental stuff of the Universe, and in it’s larger forms is fucking unstoppable. So good luck trying to control the World, because there’s a better than average chance it won’t care and just go its own way, as has always been the case. You can build into equations the notion of control, of course, but if you fail to factor in the unpredictable or unexpected, you’re in for a surprise. Did you see what I did there? Good, because I’m not changing the schedule any time soon, and if you find this kind of stuff frustrating, it might be a plan to just go somewhere else.

This is how this works. That’s all there is to it.

In the Heat of the Moment

… and your point? ^^

I’d like to think you’re smarter than you seem to be letting on, Internet. I’d hoped that you’d understand some basic rules about social interaction by now, but you don’t seem to grasp anything. The Rules in Here are not the same as they are out in the Real World, but only for certain things. Mostly, if you play Social Media Roulette and stick all your chips on red and then it comes up black? You lost. Telling me that I’m an idiot is pointless, I know I am, because nobody is 100% correct ever. However, there are basic truths here. Intractable, unavoidably obvious truths.

Take your victories where you can.

1. Actions have Consequences.

If you act like a twat in public, people will call you out. If you do shit things, others will be aggrieved. Sometimes, your sex and sexual preference will be part of the problem, and how you deal with this becomes a measure of what you are. If you choose to stand in the spotlight? Be ready to face the consequences, because you did something to put you there. The measure of true heroic individuals is how they deal with their time as heroes, after all, both good and bad.

WAKE UP NOW.

2. Expect Constant Resistance.

Life is hard, and you have to work at it 24/7. When alone, learn to actually BE alone. Be careful what you share, and hold yourself back. Do not be afraid of the fact that nobody is talking and find comfort in your own confidence. Mostly, if you’re going to be a selfish, entitled prick(tease) of either flavour? Be ready to have people lining up to take you to task. It’s the new internet esport that anybody can play.

NO. STOP IT.

3. Stop Trying to Start Drama.

Maybe, just maybe, you don’t need to post that response. Perhaps you realise that the person talking isn’t asking for an instant response. Is it possible that this isn’t just a worldwide chat channel? Sure, it is for some, but not 24/7. Often people need to shout into the void and not get an answer. In time they’ll learn that this is what happened before social media. Until they do? Learn to practice silence and consideration. Don’t fuel the fire.

Today is the day when I learn not to make it worse. Today is the day when I stop Tweeting and start writing. This is when I learn to stop contributing to the problem, and become a solution.

This is a Good Day.

Fix You

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How you see yourself is not how others do. This has become increasingly apparent in the time I utilise social media: how you ‘market’ yourself to the World and in turn how that is interpreted is often a point of some considerable contention. In psychology, the Johari Window above is used to help people better understand their relationship with the world around them: presented with a list of 55 adjectives, individuals are asked to describe themselves using them as are others, and these are then inserted in the appropriate points in the grid. This then forms a more cohesive picture of how the individual views themselves, but crucially how they are seen away from their own perception.

Labelling’s a dangerous tool, and must be used with a great deal of care.

How I’d see myself if I was a car. Not 100% accurate.

The problem with perception is that it is entirely subjective, when all is said and done. However objective you’d like to think you are, or try to be, it never works 100% of the time. Take my obsession with Aston Martin, for starters: I blame 007 for this, completely and utterly, and I’ll go back to the DB5 as an iconic view of how the world decides that lumps of metal are sexy. At the weekend, for instance, I was described as an Aston Martin Vantage. As you probably don’t know, they look like this:

I… I can’t ^^

This car is clearly a classic, but it’s not me. I’d like to think I’m not as angular, and perhaps less stuck in a particular age. I appreciate a compliment however, and that’s what this was, but if I had my way I’d become less rough edges and more cohesion, and there in a nutshell is the problem with how other people choose to label you. Do you take offence because you don’t agree, or will you consider the place from which the original compliment comes? How do you live in the modern world when there is so much to consider around you? Is it no wonder therefore that many choose just to not listen to begin with?

Curating your life is all well and good up to the point when you understand that at any given point you could have a problem with everybody.

GOOD JOB BOI. 

The longer you spend with people, the more you find out about them, and often this is more of a revelation than many grasp.  People let their guard down and reveal stuff about themselves when they think they’re only talking to a single person on social media, quite clearly unaware that potentially the entire World is reading. This happens with increasing frequency if the ‘relationship’ has been going on for some time, and the person forgets where they are, and it does happen even to the most cautious of individuals. I know this because I watch it, and suddenly you’ll get a ‘oh RIGHT’ second of connection when it becomes clear that you’re being given new (and often vital) information about why someone is the way they are. The choice then is how you use this, and mostly what ought to happen is that it allows you to understand. You can decide if this person meshes with you. It might give you the incentive to strike up a conversation. However, more often or not it becomes the stick to beat them with, or a reason to make a snarky subtweet.

Mostly, its just simpler to take the piss out of someone who’s different.

Yeah RIGHT.

Ironically, it is often the people who garner the most abuse from others who end up as the experts at throwing it back. You would think the individuals with the issues would have a measure of sympathy for anyone else, but often they become highly efficient self-reflecting mirrors, just throwing back everything that is directed at them, in a desperate attempt to deflect the truth. I know this from all too much personal experience, and it has absolutely nothing to do with the Internet, before anyone wants to come along and decide this entire Blog post is somehow my way of attacking an individual who’s pissed me off. Sometimes, the truth is absolutely the last thing you want or need to hear, but it remains the only sure-fire way to set you free. That’s the gist of John 8:32, for what it’s worth, not a movie reference or some stupid internet quote. It’s a piece of text that could have survived for thousands of years. One of the oldest recalled pieces of human wisdom, written down and passed through hundreds, thousands of generations. Not much has changed in that regard, when all’s said and done.

Ultimately you cannot change how you are made, but you can sure as fuck alter the way you listen.

What all of this navel contemplating comes down to is simple: it isn’t just the Internet’s fault you got angry. You’re as much to blame for that as they are, and you can continue to cut people out of the equation for as long as you like. However, there comes a point where you’re going to wake up and be alone, and when that happens maybe them you may realise that actually, perhaps it wasn’t just them. Listening is becoming a lost art, and those of us who know on any given day that even the positive people will fuck us right off need to understand there is only so much that you can pin on others. Mostly, you have to go back to the whole ‘balance’ thing and understand that actually? Give and take is how the best relationships work. Mostly, don’t press ‘Tweet’ unless you’re REALLY sure you’re ready for the consequences.

Everybody has shit days, even the perfect people. Never forget this.

Fuck You

I’ve waited a LONG TIME to use Cee Lo Green’s song title.

It’s a wonderful time to be alive.

There has never been more freedom of expression in the World as there is right now. You can pretty much get away with anything on a daily basis and people do. People will look back on this era with fondness, before the Internet is policed and regulated to within an inch of its life. This is the Wild West, a glorious period where nobody knew what to do, there were no real laws and pretty much everything got made up on the spot. You will wish the world had stayed like this, I think, with the benefit of predictive hindsight. It is the understanding that, however bad you think things are in your head, they are never as terrible as they could be. This is a fact too many people conveniently overlook in their attempts to manipulate their personal gravity. However badly you want the world to rotate around you, the laws of Physics aren’t going to play. You might think you’re dictating terms, but you’re so totally not.

What you want in life is for people to give a fuck WITHOUT you trying.

I’m very lucky, and yet it is human nature to fixate on the things you cannot have. That friend you want to hang out with that you don’t live near, the item you’d love to afford but is always out of your budget, the problem that just won’t go away however hard you try. I’ve begun to realise that the idea of ‘harmony’ is based around these things not mattering a fuck to begin with. The real trick to attaining peace and tranquillity does not involve a diet plan, an exercise regime or indeed anything else that can be created. All those books that say it starts with you are spot on, of course, but because the path to enlightenment is different for everybody, which bit of you that actually involves is up for some debate.

Mine came with a revelation last week over That Video Game.

Look. RARE SPAWN.

This is the Time Lost Proto Drake. It is probably the hardest mob to obtain in game because it is a world spawn, camped incessantly and particularly hard to track, IMO. I was in a 5 Man Instance during the week when someone was riding it about, clearly hoping that people would notice him and make some comment. When nobody did, I was naughty and did a bad thing. I suggested someone play properly.

ME: Stop cocking about on your mount and actually play, please.
THEM: But don’t you know what this is?
ME: It’s a mount.
THEM: No, it’s a Time Lost Proto Drake.
ME: I have no idea what that is, but it’s brown, nasty and as ugly as fuck and you should be doing damage.

Look at me, wilfully ignoring the clear power of the rare drop. You see, when you understand the power a particular object has over some people, you can remove all of its relevance by failing to accept it as important. That’s how you can fuck with people’s heads if you are an evil super-baddie, or rise above it if you’re the good guy. Mostly, that’s how all the rubbish stuff in your life can be left to one side, because when you can identify the power that thing/person/even has over you and rationalise it, the power doesn’t exist to wield over you any more. This may be playground psychology to some of you, but for me in the week it was an epiphany of major proportions.

So, now I can genuinely not give a fuck about stuff and actually make some progress.

It makes people happy.

The thing is with this Drake is that people see it in different ways. For most its just what it is, a bunch of pixels, but for others there’s a psychological resonance in the attainment. You don’t belittle that significance for them, because that’s bad and wrong too. You just accept that for you, this situation has no control over you, and that’s absolutely fine, and with the acceptance of this in the week an awful lot of stuff has quite literally just fallen into place. That’s why I’m here writing the blog post for starters. Because right now? I have no gravity at all, I am floating free and beautifully unhindered in a space entirely of my own creation, and it is glorious.

I know this won’t last forever either, and so I fully intend to make the most of the position while I can. Of course I still give many fucks about a vast number of things, but only I get to know what they are, and if you’re lucky I’ll consider sharing them with you.

For everybody else? Time to go looking for your own epiphanies.